vortiload.blogg.se - Tired of being the initiater

Your initial impulse to speak to one person was correct but don’t let the situation drag on any longer. Distancing yourself would only exacerbate the problem confronting the group might give the impression that you feel wronged and put them on the defensive. Since your value these relationships and your participation in the group, I think you want to get a better notion of what has happened. But like you, I’m not sure why they would suddenly cast one person in the role of an outsider unless something happened of which you are unaware. When a group of women has been friends for four or five years, it’s natural that the relationships between individuals and among the group would change over time.

Or it could be some combination of the two-which is probably the most likely scenario.

You could also be pulling away from the group (because you feel rejected). It could be that your group of friends is less welcoming and pulling away from you (although the reasons why aren’t obvious). It’s hard to know what’s going on with this adult clique. In fact, I feel like I am at the bottom of the hierarchy. I feel strong alliances and cliques have developed and I don’t have a position anymore. Other friends have been cold since the weekend away. I’m not sure whether to distance myself from this adult clique or confront. But she hasn’t suggested a time to chat (she was the initiator about needing to talk)-which I find odd.

Since I told her I felt excluded and on the fringe, she has acted as if I haven’t said that and keeps saying she doesn’t want to converse through text. One week later there were invitations to group activities but no 1:1. My closest friend has even sent regular texts, one stating she wanted to talk because she was concerned about what was going on with me. I sit down first and the other six arrange themselves to my left so no one sits directly opposite me.Īs a result, I have been incredibly quiet which has then attracted mild interest about what’s wrong but with little follow-up.

Awkward seating arrangement when we’re out together.

For 45 minutes, I watched the clock as conversation flowed around me without anyone asking me a question.

Sitting at dinner feeling distanced by people’s body language and verbal communication.

(The other six women were all outside waiting.)

Waking up on a girls’ weekend to a friend knocking on my door telling me the others were all were ready to go for walk, while only inviting me at the last minute.

Ignoring me when I try to initiate discussions.

Conversations going on around me based on previous chats that I’m not aware of (with no attempt by others to involve me in the discussion).

Having to book my own room on recent girls weekend while everyone else was paired up.

Recently, however, I have felt excluded by multiple members of the group. I have been closer to some more than others and fluctuations in the intimacy of these friendships have occurred, which is probably normal. I have mixed with a group of 7 or 8 women in my hometown since my oldest child was in kindergarten and she is now nine years old. I am looking for some advice on an adult clique of female friends that seems to be rejecting me. When the reasons aren’t obvious, you may want to dig deeper to find out what’s happened. It’s painful to be rejected by an adult clique.